Welcome to The Row.
Consider this your unofficial new-member orientation, minus the PowerPoint and plus a little tough love.
You joined because you wanted sisterhood, community, events, leadership, maybe a few good outfits, and probably some stories worth telling. We want you to get all of that.
We also want you to avoid becoming the story everyone is telling.
So, from the women who have already survived recruitment, standards meetings, questionable socials, exec elections, friendship drama, and at least one event where somebody definitely should have gone home earlier, here is what your older sisters might be too polite to say.
Part 01
Sisterhood, Reputation & Risk
You can have a favourite frat. Just do not make it your entire personality.
Over time, you are going to make friends across different fraternities, sororities, clubs, and social circles. That is part of the fun.
But remember why you joined your chapter in the first place.
You are here to build sisterhood first.
If every event, conversation, outfit, and weekend plan revolves around one fraternity, you may want to recalibrate. External relationships are fun, but they should not become more important than the people who are actually showing up for you every week.
The frat will survive without you.
Your sisterhood deserves some attention too.
Maybe do not add Standards to your private story.
Yes.
That private story.
The one with your high school friends, your roommate, three cousins, two ex-coworkers, and apparently half the chapter.
If your Standards Officer, Risk VP, President, or anyone else responsible for accountability can see you throwing back shots in your dorm before a social, there is a decent chance somebody will eventually have to address it.
“Private” does not mean invisible.
And screenshots have a remarkable ability to travel.
You left your parents’ house. You did not leave accountability behind.
University comes with freedom.
Sorority membership comes with visibility.
Once you are wearing your letters, posting your chapter, attending its events, or introducing yourself as a member, your behaviour no longer reflects only on you.
That does not mean you need to become a perfectly polished robot.
It does mean getting completely out of control at an event can create problems for you, your sisters, the host organization, and, most importantly, your own health and safety.
You are allowed to have fun.
You are also expected to know when fun has stopped being fun.
Listen during the risk presentation. Seriously.
Every chapter has its own policies, expectations, and procedures around alcohol, events, transportation, guests, and emergencies.
Actually listen when your Risk Director or VP explains them.
They are not giving the presentation because they enjoy ruining your night.
They are trying to make sure everybody gets home.
Some chapters have sayings like:
Keep it polite, keep it at three a night.
Cute rhyme. Useful reminder to pace yourself.
But it is not a universal medical rule, and there is no single number that is “safe” for everyone. If you drink, follow your chapter’s policies, eat beforehand, pace yourself, drink water, and pay attention to how you actually feel.
The goal is to remember the night.
Preferably fondly.
Part 03
Leadership & Chapter Life
Stay humble.
First and second year can be humbling enough on their own.
Ask questions.
Ask for help.
Ask older members what worked for them.
Show interest in leadership and volunteer for things, but understand that leadership is something you grow into.
Maybe do not join in September and announce your presidential campaign by October.
Watch how the chapter works first.
Take a committee position.
Help with an event.
Learn what the roles actually involve.
Respect the members who have already put years of work into keeping the organization running.
Ambition is good.
Experience is also good.
Go to sisterhood events.
We promise this matters.
Do not spend your entire membership attached exclusively to your pledge class, big, little, or family lineage.
Those relationships are important, but they are not supposed to be the only ones you have.
Sit beside someone new at chapter.
Go to the random sisterhood event even if it sounds slightly lame.
Talk to the senior you have never really spoken to.
Every member has something different to offer, and some of your closest friendships may come from people you never would have picked out during your first month.
The whole point is to know your sisters.
Not twelve of them.
You do not have to like everybody.
This one tends to shock people.
Joining a sorority does not magically mean you will deeply connect with every single member.
You will not.
That is fine.
You do not need to be best friends with everyone.
You do need to be respectful.
Avoid gossiping just because somebody else wants you on their “side.” If people try to drag you into an argument that has nothing to do with you, you are allowed to say, “That sounds complicated,” and continue eating your lunch.
Neutrality is a beautiful thing.
Please stop being late.
U of T students have approximately seven free minutes per week.
If an event starts at 7, do not begin showering at 7:03.
Your sisters may be waiting for you.
Someone may have booked the venue.
Someone may be coordinating transportation.
Someone has probably already sent four reminder messages.
Repeatedly making everyone else wait because you did not plan ahead stops being cute remarkably fast.
Respect people’s time.
Part 05
Events, Semi-Formal & Belonging
Your first semi-formal is not the night to discover your limits.
Your first semi is exciting.
There are dresses.
There are dates.
There are approximately 400 photos taken before anyone has even left the house.
There is also a very good chance your chapter has been planning this event for months and would love to make it through the evening without a crisis.
So: keep your behaviour on lock.
Go with a friend.
Stay with your group.
Take the required transportation if your chapter provides it.
And if your chapter tells new members not to pre-drink before the event, take that instruction seriously.
The goal is to arrive looking cute.
Not to arrive already requiring supervision.
You are allowed to like people your friends do not.
One of the fastest ways to make Greek life exhausting is to inherit every single one of your sisters’ grudges.
You can support your friends without automatically disliking everyone they dislike.
You can be polite to someone your big does not get along with.
You can have friends in another chapter even if two people from your houses once had an argument in 2024.
You can say hello to someone without joining their side in a conflict.
Avoid getting trapped in cliquey behaviour just because it feels easier to follow the group.
You are allowed to form your own opinions.
Use that privilege wisely.
Include people.
This sounds incredibly obvious.
Apparently, it still needs to be said.
Invite the quieter new member.
Do not make plans loudly in front of someone you are intentionally excluding.
If someone is standing alone at an event, talk to them.
Do not let your pledge class split into little groups two weeks after joining and then complain that the chapter feels cliquey.
Culture does not magically appear.
Members create it.
That now includes you.
Go to your new-member meetings.
Yes, even if you already know what Greek letters are.
Yes, even if your roommate wants to go out.
Yes, even if the material feels boring.
Your new-member meetings and training sessions exist because there are things you actually need to know before becoming an initiated member.
Risk management.
History.
Policies.
Expectations.
Ritual.
Chapter structure.
How not to accidentally violate three bylaws because you assumed everything worked the way it does on TikTok.
Show up.
You joined an organization.
Learn how the organization works.
Part 06
Health, Safety & Looking Out for Each Other
Letters are not a bar outfit.
If your chapter says no letters at bars, parties, or other drinking-focused environments, follow that rule.
Letters are not just merch.
They identify your organization.
A random photo of you having a normal night out can suddenly become a chapter problem when three Greek letters are sitting directly across your chest.
Save the sweatshirt for class.
Your going-out top can handle this one.
About fake IDs: your chapter is not your legal shield.
If you are under the legal drinking age, do not use a fake ID.
Beyond the legal risk, getting caught can create consequences for you personally and may create additional issues depending on your chapter’s policies or the event.
Your sorority is not responsible for protecting you from a decision you made independently.
Know the law.
Know your chapter rules.
And do not put your friends or organization in the position of trying to clean up something entirely preventable.
Dress for the actual temperature.
Please.
We are begging.
Do not be the first year turning blue in -10°C weather because the jacket “ruined the outfit.”
Nobody cares.
We promise.
You are going to spend approximately four minutes outside taking pictures before everyone throws their coats in a pile anyway.
Better yet: coat check is usually a few dollars.
Spend the $5.
Keep your extremities.
Many chapters have also adopted the unofficial tradition of the fracket: a cheap party jacket you will not emotionally collapse over if something happens to it.
Ugly enough to survive Greek Row.
Warm enough to survive Toronto.
Perfect.
And please do not become patient zero of the mid-semester plague because you decided sleeves were incompatible with your aesthetic.
Stop sharing absolutely everything.
Sorority sisterhood is beautiful.
Communicable illness is less so.
You do not need to share:
- vapes
- drinks
- lip products
- makeup
- food that ten people have already bitten
- anything that has recently been in another person’s mouth
Every October, half the campus develops some combination of Frosh Flu, midterm flu, mystery cough, and “I swear it’s just allergies.”
Wash your hands.
Clean your makeup.
Keep your drink yours.
Sisterhood does not require sharing bacteria.
Open parties require a little more awareness.
Crowded, open events mean you may not know everyone around you.
That is not automatically dangerous.
It does mean you should pay attention.
If you are of legal drinking age and choose to drink, stick to beverages you personally opened or saw opened and keep them with you. Non-alcoholic sealed drinks are an equally good option.
Do not set your drink down and wander away.
Do not accept a mystery cup because someone says, “It’s fine.”
Know where your friends are.
Pay attention when a room becomes too crowded.
If something feels wrong, leave.
The party will survive without you.
Report unsafe behaviour.
If you see something that concerns you, tell someone.
Your president.
Risk officer.
Standards chair.
Social chair.
An older member.
Security.
Emergency services, if necessary.
Do not assume someone else will handle it.
And do not avoid getting help because you are afraid someone will be mad that you broke a rule.
Health and safety come first.
Always.
A Standards conversation later is considerably better than an emergency nobody addressed.
Part 07
Traditions, Letters & the Final Rules
Learn what your letters actually mean.
This is the sentimental part.
Take time to learn your sorority’s history.
Its colours. Its symbols.Its founders.
Its philanthropy. Its rituals. Its songs.
Its traditions.
The little things your chapter does that probably make absolutely no sense to anyone outside of it.
You are joining something that existed before you and, hopefully, will exist long after you graduate.
Thousands of women have worn the same letters before you.
Some founded chapters. Some kept them alive during difficult years.
Some sat in the same meetings complaining about the exact same things you are complaining about now. Learn the story you are stepping into.
Then help keep it going.
Do not talk badly about your sisters in other Greek-life spaces.
This one is important. Greek life is small. Painfully small.
That person at another house you decided to vent to?
There is a very real chance they are best friends with the sister you are complaining about.
Or dating her friend.
Or in a group chat with her roommate.
Or seeing her tomorrow.
Information travels through Greek life at approximately the speed of light.
If you have an issue with a sister, deal with it inside the appropriate channels.
Talk to her.
Talk to Standards.
Talk privately to someone you trust.
Do not turn another fraternity or sorority into the headquarters of your chapter drama.
It will get back.
It always gets back.
And please, for the love of PR, take cute photos.
Not every picture needs to be from a dark basement at 1:47 a.m.
Take photos at philanthropy events. Take them before formal.
Take them at brunch. Take them outside when the sun is still up.
Take group pictures where everyone is actually looking at the camera.
Take vertical ones. Take horizontal ones. Take candid ones.
Take pictures where nobody is holding anything questionable.
Your PR chair should not have to scroll through 600 blurry party photos searching for one image where everyone’s eyes are open.
Bright lighting.
Cute outfits.
Actual faces.
You will thank yourselves at senior send-off.
Sincerely, every sorority PR team ever.
The point is not to become boring.
None of this advice means you need to spend your entire membership terrified of doing something wrong.
Go out. Flirt. Dance. Wear the ridiculous themed outfit.
Make friends in other houses. Run for a position when you are ready.
Have nights you talk about for years. Sorority life is supposed to be fun.
But the people who get the most out of it tend to figure something out pretty quickly:
You can be fun without being reckless. Confident without stepping on people.
Social without abandoning your sisters. Independent without forgetting you represent something bigger than yourself.
And involved without needing to be the centre of every room.
Be fun.
Be kind.
Be yourself.
Wear the coat.
And give your PR chair something usable.
Part 02
Social Dynamics
No. 05Do not ditch your sisters for a man.
We understand.
The men in our fraternities can be extremely entertaining.
Sometimes even charming.
Still, if you arrived with your sisters, do not disappear halfway through the night because someone in a backwards hat started talking to you near the pong table.
Your friends made time to be there with you.
People have classes, jobs, internships, essays, labs, and schedules that require military coordination. When your sisters choose to spend their limited free time together, respect that.
Arrive together.
Check in with each other.
Leave together when that is the plan.
Romance can happen after-hours on your own time.
Your chapter social does not need to become your first date.
No. 06Learn the social landscape before sprinting directly into it.
Be kind.
Be social.
Be observant.
Greek life is smaller than it looks.
People know each other. Chapters have histories. Friend groups overlap. People date, break up, reconnect, stop speaking, start speaking again, and somehow all end up at the same event Thursday night.
Do not assume somebody is flirting with you just because they are friendly.
Do not assume you know every connection in the room after three weeks.
And before inserting yourself into somebody else’s situation, maybe ask around first.
Your older sisters have been there longer. Some friendships, relationships, or histories may be more private than they initially appear.
Get the lay of the land.
There is no prize for creating an enemy before midterms.
No. 07Support the relationships your chapter is trying to build.
Pay attention to which organizations your sorority has strong friendships with and which relationships your chapter is actively trying to develop.
And yes, this includes other sororities.
Sorority life becomes very boring very quickly if every interaction with another chapter is treated like competition.
Go to their philanthropy events.
Congratulate them.
Be friendly at joint events.
Support women outside your own letters.
There is room for everybody.
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